KIBS

The other day I had made a post and unfortunately, My computer decided to reboot itself while my internet bombed out so it didn't even save a draft. Anyways, So I was meant to post awhile back but circumstances changed and I never got around to it again. But Ill start now. So I think a bucket load and I go through things very carefully in my mind. The 2 big things is family and friends. Why?? Because I tend to think about what I mean to a certain person, where its going and what's going to happen next. It's never spare of the moment thing where I just decide to just randomly sit and chat to you because I don't work like that. We can say Hi a million times a day but until you stand there and make a conversation with me. I'm not going to, Im already thinking ahead to what's about to happen and 9 times out of 10. Ill leave you standing there with a mouth full of teeth.
Why Im mentioning this is because I've thought a lot about my life recently. My life and my future. I have experience so many new things this year and made so many amazing friends and done some crazy things but I also think about the things I could of had or how things would be in different circumstances.
I have gone through many friends and I'm pretty sure its because of me and no one else but I just don't understand it. I swear its like Im the scariest person alive and no one wants to know me and who I am and even the people who know me well don't even speak to me. I'm a jinx like that and I just don't know anymore.
So a lot of soul searching has been done. I've made many decisions that are coming into place tomorrow.
Its called, The KickedInTheBalllSack.
If we haven't spoken in awhile and our friendship is at a stand still. I will KickYouInTheBallSack. And we will never talk again. No I'm just joking. I will tell you why and try talk to you and if things aren't working, then ill kick you to the floor. If you lied. KIBS. If you just used me. KIBS. If You want Pity. GTFO AND KIBS.
Why I'm doing this is because Im tired of fake friends. I hate caring about people that don't give a shit about you and You always helping them out but they couldn't give two flying fucks about you.
Some things make no logic.
I have one friend I've known for quite a bit of time and we recently started speaking again. We fight a lot and we have disagreements and we get angry and frustrated but she is very good at coming back and we sort it out quite quickly and we move on. We have each others back most of the time. Things are different because we both live in different areas and she has her friends and I have mine so sometimes we need to make decisions so that it suits our life better. But we do it and we accept it and its just like an easy understand of each other and what friendship is always about because its never one sided and we trust each other and we just get it.
The reason I'm telling all of you this stuff is because I've only recently realized who my true true friends are. Ive only just realized that these people mean more to me than anything else. When those people left me and got out my life, they made room for the new and better things. I would of never met and done the things Ive done without them and my life is so amazing. I smile and laugh everyday and we have many future plans and experiences ahead.
I'm sad I've had lose in order to gain so much more but This year has been the best yet.
So to everyone out there thats still reading this.
You are either on the train.. Or you running behind it trying to catch a wake up call.
You never know when the best thing in your life will walk out and you were to silly to realize it

My thought Process

I'm one of those people who think everything through before doing it.. I calculate it quite a bit before doing it and I seem like a badass who does crazy things but to be honest, I wouldn't do something that could be a risk to anyone and if i broke my foot well thats okay but if someone else did, I would never forgive myself.
Anyways the reason I'm telling you this is because before even writing this post, I knew exactly what I was going to say and what I was going to write about and after this post? I knew I was going to do homework and I will since I have so much.
I noticed the other day that people think I'm scary.. Hey. I don't blame them. I am kinda scary But I don't know why necessarily why everyone is so scared of me. At soccer, I had grade 8's like running away from me because I'm the scariest thing ever and I'm normally quite a happy bubbly person.
So I have a matric Dance date, I'm nearly ready for it as a whole. Just a few more things to organize. For vac, I'm paid and ready to gaan and have a jol with my incredible friends and all of this seems all to exciting but to be honest, I'm not feeling so happy at the moment and im not 100% sure why but its a whole bunch of things.
I want to be good enough. Not like I wanna be skinny, pretty, popular. I just want to not have to worry about the things that people always shout at me about. Hair, make-up, money, depression, clean rooms, friends, social life, school, marks.. everything that I'm not entirely 100% with. Its like a constant need from everyone to be perfect. 'm sure 90% of you have a list like mine because people just want more from you. You get friends and then you lose your marks. You get your marks then stop socializing then u stop working cause you socializing and now everything is just a huge fuck up because nothing you do is good enough.
So why cant people just chill and accept people. Big one for me. Huge one actually but I'm getting better.
Lets just say things were different.
If I was perfect, I wouldnt be me.You would probably hate me. And I would have no one.
So lets just say things were different.. Who would you want to be??
Would You still want to be you??
Because Im sure as hell sticking to my life, faults and successes.
But thats just me

My Music

Todays post isn't like it normally is and the content is going to be different because the music I normally post is happy or common and many people kinda like it but today, Im posting about my new type of music that people probably won't like but it makes my life listening to it so I'm going to post it since its my blog and Im Bowse of it so =)
Okay so my new type of music is Indie so yeah thats just how it is =)

Songs:
Sail-Awolnation (My Favorite)
Until We Bleed-Kleerup (Also My Favourite)
Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons
I won't let you go- Hedley
Live Forever- Shad and Dallas
Awake- Secondhand Serenade
Roger Rabbit- Sleeping with Sirens
Cough Syrup- Young the Giant
Beautiful- Hedley
Breathe- He is We
If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn- Sleeping With Sirens
White Blank Pages- Mumford and Sons(Also a Favorite)

Leigh Matthews

In 2004, a big story came out about Leigh Matthews. I know this story because everyday we would buy the newspaper and read the articles out loud to everyone and we would follow up on nearly everything. There has recently been an SA uncovered crimes on TV about it and I'm quite amazed at how many people don't know the story so let me fill you in.

Leigh Matthews was turning 21 in 2004 when the big case occurred. It was the night of her 21st birthday and the theme was pirates of the Caribbean. Leigh Matthews was Studying at Bonds University where she was kidnapped. 

Her mom received a call saying they had her daughter and wanted money if the family had any chance of seeing their daughter again. The Mom at first thought it was part of the theme and played along until she realized that it wasn't a joke. Her mom fell into a fat panic but couldn't tell anyone as they told her not to else they daughter would die. They hired private investigators and got up a sum of money to give to the guy as they received frequent calls. The dad had then drove along the N1 and had accidently gone the wrong way while trying to drop off the money, the guy called him and started going off at him then towards the end, he gave him new directions to follow which meant that he was from around the area.

When the money was dropped off, they expected to get a call around 1 that next morning to see where the guy was going to drop off his daughter. After 2-3 days had passed, the family started to realize that they weren't going to get a call back from him and they started then to half accept that their daughter was gone for good.

Many investigations went about and the news was finally made public which caused a big commotion all over South Africa. For those of you who don't know Bonds university, its changed now to Vega. (Just btw =) )

Then one day, a frantic phone call comes in from a guy that was cutting crops and plants in a field where he stumbled onto a body which later on was identified to be Leigh Matthews body.

She had been raped, shot 4 times and then dumped in a field naked. 

Everyone who was in the investigation and involved in the case were furious and outraged because they had some of their finest people on the case and they still didn't find Leigh Matthews alive.

With new technology, the people were able to track down signals of Leigh Matthews phone and where it was used. They were also able to identify a male indian as the kidnapper who was caught off guard when the dad had taken the wrong turn and he had to phone him to give new directions.

They then asked Vodacom to track down the phone records of the Indian guys that used a phone in the same area as Leigh Matthews phone which led to this man

Donovan Moodley.

He had told the police when they finally arrested him that he had been expecting them and why did it take so long to get him.

In SA uncovered crimes, they basically quit it here and divided it into 2 episodes so if you want to watch it, you really must. In the second one its his confession about how he did it. With every little detail involved as well as why and how it went about.

So this is the main story going around. Thought I would fill you in :) Let you know because its quite interesting as you hear from like everyones side.

So check it out.

Else ill post again on part 2

Bullying

Hello Kids, Today, my topic is going to be harsh and flippen serious so if you have a soft spot for bullying or you might take offense then I suggest you cut this tab right the fuck off your page because I'm about to get real serious about bullying.
Bullying is the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever come across. What gives you the right to pass judgement on someone else! You can fuck off of your high stool and go get fucked. Because you have no right and to hell if you think I'm going to let it go on any longer. Especially when its about me. You assholes who think you can spread rumours about someone actually have no lives. Do you think you impressing anyone? You are going to end up homeless or poor or low life livers because you couldnt make it in the big world because you had your asses handed to you as kids.
So I don't care who you are or who you think you are, I am no longer taking your bitchyness, your lies and your low life standards.
This doesn't just stand for me either.
I've been on tumblr, ive seen the stories, ive seen the pictures, i've been there and got the shirt.
You have ruined and most probably killed those people and made them into the people they aren't. You made them change to benefit your wants and needs rather than have them satisfy their own. You think you can just run other peoples lives because you hit popularity and you drink like a fish and have so much money and friends? Hate to ruin your ego but you aren't cool. you kinda look trashy and a bit desperate.
Let me tell you something. Just because a person is muscular, doesnt mean their a tom-boy or lesbian or anything you might think. Just because a girl wears baggy clothes and hides herself, doesnt mean she is number 1 nun who has no one in her life. It doesnt mean she is lesbo. It means that she could of been raped and hides herself. She might have a problem with her body. She might just like baggy clothes and you took that simple thing and turned it into gossip so you can feel good about yourself for the day.
Guess what? You are no better than us.
You people who think you so high and mighty? You are lower than us.
I could commit suicide if I stand on your ego and drop down to your IQ level.
Shit has just got real for you.
i've gone through many friends, many rumours, many assholes and many heart breaks and trust me, you guys make life really shitty to be in. I don't think half of you bullies know how many people you send home crying and cutting or starving or beaten up. You don't realize how you've completely messed that persons whole world up. You have caused so much pain and for what? 10 minutes worth of gossip and some bullying on the side to make your life seem more real cause in real life you have a pretty kak life because mommy works and daddy works and you have no attention so you drink like a fish and pretend you have friends? I'd rather be a 'Low' society person, who dresses pretty alright who gets average marks and an average social life rather than having to pretend all the time to be someone Im not and having to degrade others because you need something bigger in your life.
I'm done with bullies. I'm done with judgements. Im done with your stupid comments and I will fight against you assholes who think you are better than us.
News flash: The people you bully will always be better than you.

         Love is always patient and kind
                     it is never jealous

          Love is never boastful nor conceded
                     it is never rude or selfish

          It does not take offense
                     it is not resentful

          Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins
                     but delights in the truth

           It is always ready to excuse
                     to trust
                     to hold
          and to endure whatever comes

Le Tumblr

For all of you nagging me and questioning my AUTHORITY!!
Im just kidding you nice sexy people.
=) Haha i just deleted my tumblr, no, I did not block you. I wouldn't know how to anyways and many people don't really have that much of an influence on me anyways so don't think you so special being blocked mkay? =) i deleted it.
I deleted it cause of a bad situation that went down, it was really bad. I will never frikken forget it, i feel like I'm a shitty person and things just got really bad. But I won't go into that right now cause Im voiceless, I'm still in bed and I feel like shit on a terrible day.
Anyways so now im gonna go snuggle downstairs with Andy and watch some rugby cause I'm frikken sick and I just wanna sleep and do nothing =)
So i just wanted to let you guys know i deleted it =P Kay thanks =)

Losing People You Love

Im Sure there are many people out there that have lost many friends or family. I don't mean like Death losing but say you had a really good friend that you are now no longer friends with. That person you thought you could trust but now that you look back, you could never ever trust them because they let you down. It may even be the other way around. You may of disappointed a friend and lost them.
Doesn't really matter because whether you meant to do it or not, that person was still probably a very important person in your life. It probably hurt like hell losing that person.
Promises.. Shoo the bad experiences I've had with this. Im sure many of you reading this post have had many promises made and broken. Many promises you still keeping and holding. Promises are the things that show that you mean a lot to that person. You are willing to tell that person what's going on and knowing that they won't break the promise or back stab you. 80% of the time, people have told your secret. I have hardly any secrets anymore because people seem to like to talk about other people lives but shame for you really. I have a very interesting life and I don't need to get into yours to make it more exciting. 
I won't lie, I've broken people's promises, I've lost some very good people in my life and I'm not proud of any of it but I've gotten a lot better at it. Some people may not think so, people still to this day walk out of my life and They may have better people in their life so they don't need me and I'm fine with that. As long as they happy with the new people and things are amazing then I really don't mind. I'm used to it. I'm not offended. I'm actually happy for you =)


We all want to be those popular people that get invited everywhere and have some many friends and I really don't get why. Those people? They are horrible people 90% of the time. They are bullies 90% of the time. They don't care about anyone else but themselves. They party because thats all they have. You just a little different? Sorry you are just some loser that no one cares about. I can tell you now that half the people they such good friends with?? They aren't good friends. they hardly even talk. I have more good friends than they do. All Those guys they go through?? I could date a guy for a week and still have a much longer and more dedicated relationship. You aren't popular?? You aren't missing out. All the popular people talk about each other behind each others backs. They don't care about you. They just like your alcohol or your dress code. 


Those loud people who embarrass you all the time?? Those people who pretend to be your friend but actually they aren't even close?? Those people who want to be invited to everything but won't invite you and wont make an effort?? you know those people who use you?? those people you gotta be there for but fuck you when you need help??
Those people arent worth your time. They not worth much at all in your life. Im sure there are plenty people who want to be friends with you. people who will ALWAYS be there for you. People who will fight for you. Who will make an effort with you and support you. You dont need them anymore. Its hard to not be the popular person but we all are better off.
Cause we cooler than them bitches =D 
haha ANYWAYS


I'm off to watch 10000090932832724389 videos my sister gave me =) So damn excited.
See what you can without a party ;)

Sick And Tiredddd :/

So After working a double shift yesterday, I'm now half voiceless and My Throat is on fire. I've never worked so hard in my life. I ran around for hours. I ate once and that was a plate of curly fries. I hate being sick =) Really its a very painful experience haha but I made lots of money =D Like a bowse.
Anyways so yesterday was the 4th month of my dad's death. And I'm so glad i worked so I didn't need to think about it and now that I'm off work and not doing much its kinda getting to me. Yesterday, without realizing what day it was. I was extremely grumpy and literally blew up at everyone. But thats not the point. Today we found out that my dad has had a trophy named after him and there have been many golf days done after him and then there will be a bush walk for him. Many of his friends have made many little things for him. There are countless things. Many people dont have this and I must say I'm pretty damn proud of what my dad has done over the years and how many people he had touched and helped and stayed in contact with. He made a huge effort with his friends and girlfriends and sometimes his daughters but he did live his life to the full.
In a few couple of days, its going to be his birthday. Sorry guys, I will be at school and you will see my crappy side come out. I'm not looking forward to it at all and seeing as though last year we did something big, this years is going to be a very small quiet one for a change.
OMG feels like my throat is about to give way and collapse but anyways
I'm enjoying these holidays, Ive made dough, I've made friends and I've also had quite a relaxing time.
Haven't seen much of my friends.. I havent even spoken to them really.. Dont know why just yeah =)

I was thinking lately that life is a pretty weird thing, I met a regular last night and he works with dead people. Not like actual physical dead people but he can show you if the person you love is still around. He got a person who lost his mom. He made him think of all the good things in life but he couldnt think about his mom. He then blew into a straw and placed it on a flat surface. When he put his hand by the straw, the straw never moved. But when he had to think of all the good things about his mom and blow in the straw.. The straw spun around and around when he put his hand nearly it. This took no preparation at all, the guy had heard about his work, came up and asked him. He sat down and started while he was sitting at our bar so there was no trick to it.

You get some incredibly talented people.

I think Thats pretty sick =)